Lady Carol's Journal of Random

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Cymbeline: Abridged, Act One: Scene Six
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loracarol
Note: This play has Decapitation, misogynistic language and a guy wanting to rape his step-sister, among other things. The abridged version will have those things as well. Please read at your own discretion. ♥


Enter: Imogen

Imogen: My FATHER is EVIL and my STEP-MOTHER is EVIL and my HUSBAND is BANISHED and my life SUCKS. DAMMIT. I should have been stolen INSTEAD of my brothers, maybe then I could be hap- WHAT THE HELLO STRANGER DANGER.

Enter: Pisanio and Iachimo
 
Pisanio: Oy, my lady, this guy's brought you letters. 

Iachimo: Your husband is chilling, and he is doing fine. And I have a letter for you. 

Imogen: A LETTER FROM MY GLORIOUS HUSBAND. WHAT BLISS. 

Iachimo: Your hawt.

Imogen: Let's talk privately. 

Exit: Pisanio 

Imogen: Let's talk about MY HUSBAND. Is he doing well? And by that I mean, tell me how depressed his is, and how much he is pining over me plzkthnx. 

Iachimo: Oh, yeah, he's doing great.

Imogen: Is he happy? He better not be happy.

Iachimo: He's like, the partiest partier in the world. I mean, there's this guy from France who misses his girl, and he's depressed all over the place, but not this guy! This guy is super cheerful! So cheerful, in fact, that you should get your revenge on him for being cheerful when he misses you ~so~ much.

Imogen: ...What kind of revenge...? 

Iachimo: Well, he's happy all over the place, so you should also be happy all over the place, and take your revenge on him by having sex with me.

Imogen: ... 

Iachimo: ... :D 

Imogen: ... D: No. What the fuck, NO. Just... NO!

Iachimo: Oh, coolio, you are virtuous and all that. Sorry, I needed to see if you were still pure and all.

Imogen: Are you seriously trying to make amends? Really? -_________-

Iachimo: Yep. Your husband is really faithful and stuff. He misses you. 

Imogen: OH MY LOVE~~~~~~

Iachimo: So... Since we're besties now, could I please put this conveniently person-sized trunk in your room over night?

Imogen: Sure~! I can foresee nothing going wrong with this at all!   

Exit: Imogen and Pisanio

End of Act One



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